Real Talk: Actions Speak Louder than words
Children learn more by observing those around them.
And the best part is they don’t even know they are learning.
This comes with pros and cons.
Pro: If you model the behaviors you want to see from your child they are more likely to mimic these behaviors.
Con: If you tend to have a short fuse, they may pick up on that too.
7 tips to modeling prosocial behavior:
Show Kindness and Empahty. Verbalize to your children how you understand someone's situation (e.g. treat service professionals with respect, smile or wave to neighbors).
Stay Calm. Try to use your own coping skills if frustrated and keep a calm tone of voice. Identify your feelings and how you are handling it. Example: instead of yelling in traffic, say “I feel stressed about getting to the game on time. I cannot control the traffic so I will put on my favorite tunes while we wait”.
Prioritize Face-to-Face Connection. As I have discussed in previous blog posts, we live in a word of heavy screen and social media usage. Although we may not be able to get away from this completely, show your children that your time with them is important, (e.g. silence your phone, listen with your body language, and spend quality time with them away from screens).
Speak Kind Words to Yourself. Your children absorb alot more than we think they do. When you use negative self-talk, they are more likely to do the same toward themselves. Example: Instead of scolding yourself about falling off your diet or using word like “fat”, model healthy eating and verbalize what you think you are doing well.
Say Sorry. Model apologizing and make amends when appropriate. Model this to your partner and to your child. Show them it is okay to make mistakes and it is important to apologize and try to not give excuses (even if they are valid). Example: You missed your daughter’s basketball game, you apologize and tell her you will bring her to her next practice.
Speak Positievly About Others. Refrain from gossip, even if another person brings something up. Children will learn to speak respectfully about others when you do too.
Express Gratitude. The more you show your appreciation for all things (even the little things) the more your children will too. This can help their overall joy and self-concept. Example: “Wow, look how pretty it is to see the sunshine through the trees. Lets take a moment to be thankful for the sun.”
