Real Talk: Fixing The Boredom with A Screen: Do The Pros Outweigh The Cons?
Being a parent is a full time job. And if you already have a full time job, parenting is a second full time job. Then you have the responsibilities of being an adult (e.g. running errands, cleaning, cooking, etc.) and taking care of yourself (e.g. showering, brushing your teeth, feeding yourself). How do you do all of this plus entertain and take care of another human or two? Screens (e.g. TV, tablet, video games, phones) can feel like respite. One to two episodes of Paw Patrol while you do laundry, 1 hour of video gaming while you take a work call, Minecraft on the tablet at the restaurant while you have dinner with a friend.
How many times a day do you hear your child yelling for you because they are bored? And how did parents do it in the years without television, tablets, and internet?
In previous blog posts, I discussed the brain and our constant need for stimulation. We seek dopamine and the many types of screen feed that urge. Those with developing brains (i.e. children) seek this stimulation even more and build a tolerance thus leading to need more to get the same “hit”.
What Happens When We Solve Child’s Boredom With Screen Time
Two important brain networks to highlight are the Central Executive Network (CEN) and the Default Mode Network (DMN). The CEN helps to focus attention during tasks (i.e. schoolwork) and the DMN is active during daydreaming and imagination. Boredom often times leads to the activation of the DMN. Experts at the Child Mind Institute, discuss how boredom helps children develop problem-solving skills, flexibility, organizational skills, and future planning. It is not the boredom itself that helps develop these skills but children choose to do when they are bored. Boredom can be highly distressing for children and can lead to emotional dysregulation. Children must learn to sit with boredom and problem solve.
Get Curious
When your child says they are bored, explore it. Ask them what they are experincing, how they are feeling, what do they wish they were doing. Keep it neutral and nonjudgmental. Don’t try to fix their boredom for them. If you jump to fix this, they will learn how to gain your attention and never learn how to problem solve on their own.
Foster agency
When a child learns that they have the capability to problem solve their boredom this fosters a sense of agency. They will begin to believe that they can influence their own life circumstances. When you foster agency, you eliminate boredom. When they begin to feel bored they know they have the capability to solve this discomfort and find something to do with their time.
Be Proactive
Talk about boredom when they aren't bored. “Remember yesterday? How did it feel? What do you normally do when you feel this way? What could you do?” Help your child make a list of options and long term projects. This can help get the child started on some ideas. This does not mean this list will work everytime, but it can be a starting point. Try to add creative activities to the list as creativity is a good way to eliminate boredom.
Caution: Attention-Seekers
When a child refuses everything on their list, they may just want your attention. You can call this out. “It looks like you just want to talk/hang out with me.” If you get into a back and forth with them this is still rewarding as you are continuing to give them your attention. Keep this interaction brief and provide two choices. “You can choose _____ or _____.” Give them a moment to choose and if they do not, you choose for them and remind them of times when you are available to spend time with them. “Bobby, it looks like you just want to talk/hang out with me and right now I am cooking dinner. You can choose to play with your LEGOS or draw…. I looks like you do not want to choose, so I will chose for you. After I am done cooking we can talk and eat dinner together.” This is to be done if you notice that the boredom is more attention-seeking.
How You View Boredom
How you respond to your child’s boredom can also shape how they respond. View it with excitement and curiosity instead of dread and annoyance. Let your child be bored. They will build frustration tolerance, learn independence,build problem-solving skills, learn more about themselves, and increase self-confidence. “I know it feels uncomfortable to be bored and this is when your brain gets to be really creative.”
