Real Talk: Can Talking About Suicide Put the Idea in Kid’s Head?
For years, there has been a misconception that talking to children about suicide might introduce the idea or encourage them to consider it as a way to cope with life's challenges. However, research has shown that asking someone about suicide does not increase their risk of attempting or dying by suicide. In fact, creating a safe space for these conversations can help people feel heard, supported, and less alone.
But what about kids?
This is a conversation that many parents are afraid to have with their kids. It is a scary topic and many times parents do not want to even think about this as a possibility. But this is not something we should brush off. If we ask about suicide and a child has not had these thoughts before, you may get a big reaction like “What? No way would I do that” or “Why would you ask that?” This response can be a good indication that this has not been a thought they have had. If your child has been thinking about suicide, you have now opened a door for them to get proper help. If you avoid this topic you are inadvertently telling the child that this is a taboo topic that I am not comfortable talking about.
Look for the signs
Look for warning signs. The below list is not an exhaustive list and does not always indicate suicidality but should be taken seriously (i.e. should be evaluated by a mental health clinician).
saying “I want to die.” or “The world would be better without me here.”
feeling immense shame that they think will not go away
feeling like a burden to others
hopelessness
unable to name a reason to live
extreme sadness or depression
making a plan or researching ways to die
withdrawing from friends or not wanting to do normal activites
giving away important items
eating or sleeping more or less
increase risk taking
using drugs
Be direct with your language
Do not ask leading questions such as “You would never try to hurt/kill yourself, right?”. This creates judgement and may cause a child not not want to be honest. You may start with asking “have had thoughts about hurting yourself”. This answer may lead you to go deeper to ask the scariest question “have you had thoughts about ending your life/killing yourself?” Know that this is not a easy conversation to have! Use direct language. Killing and hurting are two different acts that have two different purposes. A child may not know the word suicide but may understand death. Ask if they have thoughts about dying and not coming back. You could also provide empathy such as “sometimes when people feel sad like you do, they have thoughts about killing themselves. Do you ever have thoughts about killing yourself?” Notice their body language when you ask this question. If a child does not answer or looks embarrassed that may be your answer.
Do not shame
Although may religions consider suicide to be a sin, remember that these thoughts and feelings are real for them and scolding or shaming will more than likely cause more negative thoughts and feelings. Try not to say things like “we do everything to give you a good life”. These thoughts may not seem rational to you but feel very real to them. From the outside, you may see a great happy life for your child, and for them there is a different reality. Try not to make it about you. You may want to say “I am sad that you feel this way” and this again may add to their guilt. Also know you are human and this is scary. You may not be able to hold back tears during this conversation and that is okay. Thank them for bring brave and telling you how they feel. Replace any shame or guilt they may have with love and support. Show them that you are here to support them. Give them hope by telling them that there are people they can talk to to help them with these thoughts.
Take this seriously
If your child talks about suicide, take it seriously. Even if you believe that a child does not really understand what it means to die or kill yourself. It is best to get a child evaluated and provide the help that they may need. A therapist can help a child to better understand and communicate their feelings and process their sadness and hurt. And a therapist can help you, the caregiver, as well by giving you tools. Know that this is scary and we are here to help!
If you believe your child is in need of immediate support please contact one of the following :
Georgia Crisis and Access Line (GCAL) 1-800-715-4225
Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 988
Skyland Trail 886-504-4966
Ridgeview Institute 770-434-4567
